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July 18, 2013

Don’t Define The Relationship Too Soon

don't-define-the-relationship-too-soon

When people are just starting to date, most seem to try to take it to the next level too fast. When you have just met someone a month down the road is not the time to start asking “where are we?” and “where are we going?” it’s a moot issue, well it should be. Because at the end of the day, how well do you really know this person? Most are quick to say that I am with so and so and they are my boyfriend/girlfriend, but why are we rushing this most important time in dating? Are we defining relationships too soon?

During the first months of a relationship we are learning about the other person, what they like and what they don’t like. By rushing things, you are inevitably missing what could be the deal breaker for that relationship. Had you actually taken your time and learned who this person was, you may have saved yourself and them some grief. In my experience, asking the “where is it going” question too soon isn’t necessary.  Friends have asked me when they should ask their partners and I always respond “why do you want to know so soon?”

Dating is a time to enjoy getting to know someone and not having expectations on how things are or how they should be. Perhaps if people took their time with relationships like they do with friendships, then, the divorce rate and cancelled engagements would be greatly decreased. I do know that love at first sight exists for some, but again, why the rush? Why are we rushing with relationships that are already wonderful the way they are? Taking things slower, helps make the relationship stronger and builds a strong base for the future.

Many who ended up in failed long term relationships and marriages say they wish they would have found out sooner whether a relationship was right for them or not.  They feel that had they waited and learned about their partner’s character and personality that perhaps they wouldn’t have moved forward with them. Let’s be honest here, when was the last time you maintained and nurtured a bad friendship just to be included as their maid of honor or best man at their wedding? In the same way why rush your wedding to the wrong person? Relationships should be a process, take your time and have fun!





About the Author

Christy Goldstein
I am a relationship and sex columnist, focusing on dating successfully, how to get over break ups and bad dates. I also counsel clients on how to be in a healthy relationship. Helping them overcome problems they may have with their relationship or any learned behaviors they want to change. I currently live in Columbus, Ohio. I am also working writing a relationship and dating book for women and men.




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