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July 25, 2013

I’ve Moved On, So Why Won’t My Family?

trying-to-keep-cool-when-family-won't-move-on

Two years ago, as I was getting ready to leave for college, I ended a relationship that had lasted for two years. I had given a lot of thought to my decision and had accepted the fact that I no longer wanted to continue the relationship; I especially did not want a long distance relationship. Although I had come to peace with my decision shortly after the break up, two years later, I am still dealing with the fact that my family has stayed in contact with my ex.

As if breakups aren’t difficult enough, it can be even more irritating when our families can’t seem to let our exes go. Why can’t they move on when we clearly have? And why does it feel like such a betrayal? How can we deal with the array of emotions that we may be feeling in this situation?

Annoyance

At first all I felt was annoyed. I remember rolling my eyes every time my parents would mention him. I didn’t want to hear about how much I had hurt him, and I definitely didn’t want to hear from my brother about how awful I was. All I could do at this point was take it. I was the one who had changed the game. They were still used to him being around all the time and it would take some time for them to get used to this adjustment.

Indifference

Then I simply chose to ignore it. I was away at school anyway. It was no longer my problem and I decided to focus on my new friendships and experiences in college. Of course I still heard about my ex occasionally, but for the most part, I just didn’t care. What could I have done anyway?

Anger

Ignoring the situation worked while I was at school, and I honestly thought my family would have moved on after a year. When I came home for that first summer, I realized that I had obviously underestimated the lasting impression my ex would have on my family because they all seemed to still be in love with him.

At this point, I just thought it was weird. Why couldn’t he make new friends and leave my family alone? I was done pretending not to be irritated by the situation and I got angry. I demanded that the communication stop. It had gone on way too long and it was starting to creep me out, but of course, my opinion didn’t seem to matter to anyone. Nothing had changed, and at the end of the summer I left for another year of school.

Acceptance

Now that yet another year has passed, the relationship between my family and my ex has died down significantly. My brother still texts him occasionally, but for the most part, I don’t have to hear about him anymore. I still think its obnoxious when a family member mentions him, but I’ve accepted the fact that I cannot tell my family who they’re allowed to talk to. I brought him into their lives, and now I have to deal with the consequences of doing so.

Don’t get me wrong, I still think it’s extremely weird that my family was so obsessed with  him and vice-versa, but I simply don’t care anymore. Anyone who has to deal with a similar situation will understand how frustrating and irritating it can become. My advice to you is to just let it go. You chose to end the relationship while your family had no say in the matter. Of course it is going to take them time to get over the break up, but they will get over it eventually. In the meantime just try to keep your sanity and not lose it. Try to stay as classy as possible even when you want to bite everyone’s heads off.





About the Author

Elizabeth Monsoor
Elizabeth Monsoor is currently working on her Bachelor of Fine Arts in dance at Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle, Washington. While Elizabeth pursues a career in dance, she has rediscovered her love for writing. When she is not in class or at rehearsals, Elizabeth enjoys actively commenting on episodes of reality television and tweeting her observations on relationships several times a day. She has an “eyes wide open” approach to dating, acting as an unofficial advisor and commentator on her friends’ relationships. Elizabeth hopes that her opinions on relationships and her love of sarcasm both entertain and inspire her readers.




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