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January 24, 2013

Friends With Benefits – Can They Really Benefit You?

friends-with-benefits-can-they-really-benefit-you?

Times are crazy, these days, and most people seem to be afraid of commitment. So the question, “Should I have casual sex with this person?” is coming up frequently for everyone, it seems. Unfortunately, though, there is no widespread, all-encompassing answer for everyone who poses this question. There are two types of people in the world: those who can have casual sex and not get attached, and those who cannot. Friends with benefits truly is not for everyone.

Listen to Your Instincts

Think about how you feel when you’re around the person you’re considering having casual sex with. Consider the emotions involved – do you want your relationship to be more romantic? Would you be hurt if you found out your partner slept with someone else? If you answered “yes” to either of those questions, casual sex probably isn’t the best choice for you.

Don’t Fall to Pressure

If you decide that you, ultimately, won’t benefit from having casual sex, don’t do it. Only you can estimate how you will feel after the act – not your partner. If your partner pressures you into doing it, you’ll probably regret your decision even more once you realize that you didn’t keep your own promise to yourself.

Experiment!

When it comes down to it, everyone reacts to casual sex differently. You may not react as strongly as you figured, or you may react even more intensely. Don’t be afraid to try it if you really think it’s going to work – but know that casual sex is – just that – casual. Don’t expect to make your partner consider monogamy because you had sex with them. If that is your intention, DO NOT HAVE CASUAL SEX.

Be Kind to Yourself

The aftermath of casual sex can be either insignificant or disastrous; it depends on your individual response. If you do it and you decide, after, that it wasn’t a good idea, don’t beat yourself up over that misstep. Chalk it up to learning and don’t repeat the error – unless something drastic changes for you that would make it a beneficial situation.

Be Realistic

You may have casual sex with someone and things work out well. You don’t get attached, you don’t get upset, and you don’t get (her) pregnant. Be realistic with where this takes you in your future. Remember that casual sex with “someone” isn’t the same as casual sex with “anyone” – you may still get attached and hurt in the future. Always pay attention to your emotions and your physical reactions to people before you decide that casual sex with them is a good plan.





About the Author

Hannah Goodman
Hannah's inherent interest in human relationships inspired her to study psychology at CU. She plans to take that passion and focus with her to graduate school, where she will pursue a degree in writing and will continue to write her memoir on her past relations.




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