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November 12, 2013

Jealousy: How Far Will You Cross The Line?

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Written by: Christy Goldstein
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When you’re in a relationship with a jealous person, there’s always a conflict about what’s okay and what’s not. Some people think it’s perfectly fine to check their partner’s Facebook and emails to see what they are up too. But is that okay? Why or why not? What boundaries should you not cross when it comes to your own jealousy issues in a relationship?

I’ve never been a jealous person by nature. I figure if someone is going to cheat or go passt that line of trust, they’ll do it no matter what. Regardless of what I say or do, they’ll do it anyway. And if you check their email and Facebook (which I’ve never thought was okay), you’re already telling them that you don’t trust them. What’s the point of cyber-policing your partner? You might see something that will piss you off and start a fight over something innocent.

There’s always going to be a random person who doesn’t know that you’re attached. You can’t punish your partner too harshly if an acquaintance who doesn’t know any better asks for their number. Of course, if your S.O. readily dishes out their digits, you have every right to be upset. But when someone is asking, they are, in fact, just asking! Just because they ask doesn’t mean that they’re going to get what they want. Fighting with your mate over issues like this, stuff that they have no control over, is an endless, pointless fight. It makes no sense and your partner has every right to be exasperated with your insecurity.

I have friends that have said that they’ve been in relationships that have ended because of jealousy or invasion of privacy (checking their partner’s Facebook 24/7 or checking their emails). Jealousy is a n intense and powerful feeling, a hard thing to deal with, but if you really want a partner in your life, you’ll have to learn to deal.

Most people won’t put up with crazy, jealous antics for long. Maybe they’ll indulge you for a little while, but in the end, jealousy will probably push you apart. If you don’t trust anyone you date, why date? Trust (among other things) holds a relationship together. Another is communication, so if you have issues with your jealousy, talk it out with your partner so they know what upsets you and what doesn’t. And if your partner continues to upset you, maybe you need to find someone who won’t cross that line.



About the Author

Christy Goldstein
I am a relationship and sex columnist, focusing on dating successfully, how to get over break ups and bad dates. I also counsel clients on how to be in a healthy relationship. Helping them overcome problems they may have with their relationship or any learned behaviors they want to change. I currently live in Columbus, Ohio. I am also working writing a relationship and dating book for women and men.

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