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March 26, 2013

The Art of Rejection: Saying No

stop!

You’re at a party, having a good time, when Mr. Short-Sleeved Turtleneck approaches you. He’s chatting you up but it’s tough to get past those sleeves. So you listen, and smile, and give your solid attention to trying to like him. But alas, you’re still not impressed. Sure enough, after a few minutes he asks for your number. You panic and reluctantly shell out your digits, regretting it all the while.

Women are pretty unfamiliar with the right way to reject a guy. It might make you uncomfortable, but a clear, strong “No, thanks” will save you both a lot of unnecessary distress.

Being rejected is a universal fear, but women seem to be just as worried about being the Rejector as being the Rejectee. It’s daunting to be the agent of hurt feelings and stunted egos.

To understand why it’s so much kinder to be direct about an initial rejection, put yourself in his shoes. Would you want to get a date because someone wanted to say no to you but didn’t know how to do it? If you knew that someone didn’t feel a spark with you, wouldn’t you want to know right away so that you could stop wasting your time and find
someone genuinely interested?

Your turtle-necked admirer might be a nice person with some of the qualities you’re looking for in a companion and you tried your best but he doesn’t intrigue you. It doesn’t matter why; you have every right to your taste and an obligation not to lead him on. Chemistry cannot be forced. If you don’t feel it, he deserves to know.

Being somewhat clueless about this subject myself, I asked my male friends about their ideal, least-insulting rejections. With their feedback, here are a few tips to help you get comfortable politely rejecting someone’s advances:

  •  Have a canned response ready so that you don’t get flustered. Remember: You’ll both be fine even if a few minutes are wince-worthy.
  • Don’t feel pressured to explain yourself. You can say something as simple as “Thank you, but no,” or “I’m flattered but I’m not interested,” or “I’m not looking for anything right now.”
  • Stand firm. If he gets pushy or offended, it’s a good thing you said no. Any guy who doesn’t respect your answer isn’t the right guy for you.

Everyone deserves a partner they think is engaging, exciting and attractive. Don’t get trapped in an awkward, stilted series of dates just because you don’t know how to say no. It’s not going to be any easier on date number three when Mr. Short-Sleeved Turtleneck shows up at your house with one for you.





About the Author

Most Brave Girl
MostBraveGirl is the Executive Editor for Nouveau Dating and Love is Everywhere. She is a search and destroy robot for anyone acting stupid while trying to get laid. Ask for her help if you are one of those people.




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