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Dating Tips & Relationship Advice



Dating Advice For Women

July 31, 2013

Dating Fact: More Requirements for Love = More Problems Finding it

Dating-advice-stop-making-lists

Picture this: You’re on a dinner date with one of your long-lost girl friends when she asks the question most chronically single women hate to be asked: “How’s your love life?” “Are you seeing anyone?” Or some other variation of “Are you ever going to find anyone, you lonely old hag?!” This is a Dating Fact.

Is the reason why many women are single for so long because they simply haven’t found “The One?” Or might these singletons have another problem on their hands?

Some of these single women are list makers. No, I’m not talking about ‘To Do’ list makers; I’m talking about ‘Husband Material Checklist’ (HMC) makers. These singletons may believe they are doing themselves a favor by narrowing down the characteristics they desire in a partner, but they are often doing themselves more harm than good. Might you be in this category of single women?

The key word here is desire. ‘Husband Material Checklist’ makers often don’t realize what they want may not be what they need in a quality partner. These lists are especially self-destructive on first dates. HMC makers can be so easily distracted by the checks and minuses on their mile-long lists that they can barely see the person sitting right across from them. As he’s explaining (genuinely) why it didn’t work out between him and his ex-wife, you may be thinking, “Hmm he says he’s been divorced…I don’t know if I can date someone like that…” without giving him the benefit of the doubt (sound familiar?).

Filtering a date though this list tends to immediately eliminate a good proportion of perfectly good relationship prospects and ultimately leaves HMC makers feeling lonely and hopeless in love.

Are you guilty of list making? If so, how should you go about solving this dilemma? No, it’s probably not what you are thinking. You don’t have to completely shred your list and terminate all boundaries when it comes to finding Prince Charming, but you do need to make some adjustments.

Instead of making a list of one thousand things you “absolutely need” in a partner, make a simpler, yet more effective list of 5 non-negotiables. These non-negotiables must contain characteristics you absolutely must have in a partner (i.e. not something like, “he must have blue eyes, be 6’ 10”, and have a twinkle in his right eye…”).

A few quality non-negotiables may include your thoughts about morals/values, religion, kids, etc. You could even incorporate one on how you expect the other person to handle their finances in a relationship (this is a good idea since many times financial problems contribute to divorce).

Remember that a list with few, yet quality requirements will allow you to be more open-minded when meeting men and going on dates.  By allowing more men into your dating circle, you will vastly increase your chances of finding your perfect mate. Trust me, this works a lot better than eliminating a man just because he was wearing Crocs the first time you met him.

Hopefully after applying this advice to your love life, you can answer your friend’s question with a resounding, “Yes!! I finally found my soul mate! Now you never have to ask again because he proposed and we’re getting married next week!”

Ok, so that was a slight exaggeration. But I hope this piece of dating advice will bring you one step closer to finding that special someone.





About the Author

Laura Baines
Coincidentally born on Valentine’s Day, Laura has a passion for playing cupid by helping others find love. She has a degree in psychology from CU-Boulder and aspires to earn her masters in counseling.




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