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Dating Advice For Women

January 20, 2014

Are Friends With Benefits Really Worth It?

Friends With Benefits

There’s a sweet person who’s been your friend forever and is always there for you. Currently both of you are unattached. If you guys starting casually hooking up, maybe it would ease some of your lonely feelings. There’s potentially a lot to lose or gain, but are friends with benefits really worth it? Most everyone has had that split second idea in the middle of a lonely night or while talking with friends. No one wants to be alone for the holiday of love and romance, so what’s the harm?

The Good

One of the good things that might come out of a FWB is a stronger relationship with your friend. After hooking up for awhile, you guys might realize that there’s more to it than just physical gratification. If a romantic relationship is something worth exploring, it could end up beautiful. Your history as friends and your physical chemistry could result in the perfect relationship that you’ve always wanted. But don’t start dreaming of wedding bells just yet; while this result is ideal, it’s unlikely. Another good thing to come of FWB is that the intimate part might run its course, and still leave you guys with a strong friendship. Either way, these two solutions are the best possible outcomes there could be.

The Bad

Getting frisky with a friend can get ugly. Maybe you mistake the physical fireworks for emotional ones and decide to start a legit relationship. Cut to three months later when you don’t get along at all and you’ve not only lost your relationship, but you’ve also lost your friend. Another scenario is that you guys get too awkward around each other because of your sexual relationship that you can’t maintain a friendship. Annoying confusion could also arise if one of you meets someone who they want to start dating. There are no prescribed rules for how to deal with that. Before you start removing clothing, seriously consider how your physical fling could end create an irreparable rift in a once-supportive, healthy friendship.

The Ugly

This is where the Bad spirals out of control because it’s likely that your new sex buddy shares your same group of friends. After all, that’s probably where you found each other. The stage is set to escalate to Drama Level Midnight.

Rules for Keeping FWB Exactly What It’s Supposed to Be

  • Get together with your fling and collectively determine a code of conduct, including (especially) a plan if someone gets too involved. Decide if you’ll be exclusive. Figure out an escape plan. If you can’t agree on the rules, take that as your cue to walk away.
  • Keep the small talk to a minimum inside the bedroom. Outside of the bedroom, try to keep things the way they always were. Go out as friends, make fun of each other, and challenge each other to video game duels.
  • Cuddling, holding hands and other coupley behaviors are probably a bad idea. To learn the chemistry behind why cuddling creates emotional intimacy, talk to science.

Remember: Some people just can’t keep sex and feelings separate. You or your sexy friend might end up being one of those people, and that’s okay. To figure out if you can handle it, click here.

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About the Author

Amanda Juarez
Amanda Juarez is an aspiring nomadic freelance writer currently living in Colorado. Creative since the day she was born, she has many creative outlets from writing and art, to making jewelry and accessories, and even winning NaNoWriMo 2013. She spends much of her time learning abstract new things and hanging out with gamer friends. She hopes to be able to bring her experiences from living all over the county and translating the different cultures of dating into easy reading while adding a bit of geek to them.




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