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Dating Advice For Women

March 14, 2013

Letting Go of Someone You Let In

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Written by: Hannah Fredenberg
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It’s time to face the facts: You will never be his girlfriend. You know who I’m talking about: that flirtatious male companion who you have had strong on/off chemistry with for months, or perhaps even years! He is your partner-in-crime, the one that “gets” you. You are both great friends, yet attracted to each other. Sounds like the ideal partnership, right?

However, the feelings you share are “complicated”, or so you continuously tell yourself or inquiring friends who sense the hot/cold chemistry between you two. Despite that he has probably told you that he does not know what he wants, or is afraid of ruining the easy friendship you two have, you have waited for him in some form or another—whether you honestly realize it or are completely unaware of this fact. Whether it’s drunken sleep-overs, heart-to-hearts, or the two of you continuously “hanging out”, it’s time to start the process of letting this person go. It seems impossible at the moment. You both care about each other immensely, and perhaps could maybe say you even love each other.

Nevertheless, love alone does not mean the two of you are meant to be together. There are reasons as to why neither of you can fully commit your private feelings to a healthy, public relationship. Remember that actions always speak louder than words. “With or without you” situations very rarely work out as they do in the movies or in television sitcoms. Although you may never be able to magically rid or control your feelings for this guy, you are always able to control your actions. Therefore, today is the day to stop the vicious on and off cycle of hopeless love. While letting go of feelings is not some overnight cure, making small daily changes is key to starting the long process. Here are a few beginning tips to freeing your heart and mind of a toxic companionship:

Write It Out

Think of how many internal thoughts and obsessions over this guy you have on a daily basis.  Crazy to admit, huh? Writing is one of the most therapeutic releases in dealing with any form of stress or change. Get into the habit of just getting on your computer about once a day and simply typing out your uncensored feelings or vents in an email or WordDoc. If you are lost for words, listen to one of your favorite songs about lost love and just type out the lyrics as a form of reflection. Writing out your feelings, however, does not mean using Facebook as your public diary. Please avoid the temptation to hash your drama out publicly. Otherwise, write or type away!

Fake It Till You Make It

The emptiness always outweighs the sweet relief in the beginning. We know it seems phony and forced, but try to put on a confident facade at first. Sounds crazy, right? But try it. Dress and look cute when you can, smile a bunch, mingle with your friends, and try to avoid being a Debbie Downer about the situation. Situations don’t change, but you can. With each passing day, you will begin realizing that life goes on, and you will start feeling almost as upbeat as you’ve been making yourself seem on the outside. Life doesn’t revolve around love, and you will start realizing that perceptions really do create your reality. Makes yours an optimistic one!

 Keep Pity Parties Short and Sweet

We know that every day is not going to be rainbows and butterflies – let’s be real. Maybe have a one or two-day max where you allow yourself the freedom to feel sad about it all or to miss him. Go ahead, lounge in your sweats, watch heartbreaking (but oh-so-good) drama movies, or shed a tear to Adele’s “Someone Like You” in the car. We won’t judge. Just make sure to keep your dark moods brief, and then be done with it.

Avoid Revenge

Steer clear of taking Taylor Swift’s philosophy of obsessing about a guy and belittling his entire character. He does not deserve rage or being bashed just because it couldn’t work between you two. Be graceful, and do not be a jerk to this “friend” you have feelings for. However, do avoid caving into his late-night texts or his comments on how he misses you and wants to hang out more. It should be deliberately noticeable that you are avoiding or kindly declining opportunities to see each other at all. If it’s inevitable, try to hang out in groups (and not one-on-one anymore) if you are both in the same mutual friend circles. It’s best to avoid hanging in general though, if possible.

Be Ambitious

Redirect your energy and feelings into another task. It can be anything, as long as it is positive and uplifting: cooking, scrap-booking, jogging, kick-boxing, studying, etc. Let your mind go wild with this one. Discover new passions or else amp up current ones.

 Embrace Your Single Status

Remember all the benefits there are to you being single! You’ve been so caught up on one guy for so long. Now’s the time to explore new dating/flirting tips or to give other awesome guys a chance! Be open to new opportunities and to learning what you really want or don’t want in potential partners. In the meantime, have fun with friends and just enjoy life! Love will naturally fall into place when it’s meant to be.




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About the Author

Hannah Fredenberg
Hannah enjoys exploring the dynamics behind human connections and strives to share her knowledge on these subjects. She looks graduating this upcoming May from the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh.

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