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Dating Advice For Women

March 1, 2013

Should You Have Sex with an Ex?

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Written by: Ely Torres
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While most would advise you to stay far away from having sex with an ex for fear of lingering feelings getting stronger or stifled emotions resurfacing, I say go for it, as long as you proceed with caution.

If you are thinking of sleeping with an old flame it means this person obviously knew your body well enough to keep it satisfied; well enough to have you wanting him even after a break up. Having sex with your ex keeps your notches low and keeps you satisfied without having to rush into a relationship you may not be ready for.

Here are a few ground rules to lay as a foundation to a deliciously sexual relationship sans the headache (or heartache):

Don’t rush it.

You need to wait ample time after the breakup before delving into a sex-based relationship to ensure neither party has ANY lingering feelings of “maybe we will get back together” or “he will remember what he had and want me back”. GET THAT OUT OF YOUR HEAD NOW! If you’re thinking it, steer clear. Initiating a sex-based relationship is not the way to reconcile with an ex, someone is bound to get hurt in the process. So take it slow, baby.

Make sure he knows it’s just about the sex.

 Once you’re sure you just want the sex you need to clearly let him know that this is a strictly between-the-sheets affair. Don’t allow any fantasies to blossom in his mind. Be honest and upfront. This simply cannot be emphasized enough.

No hanging out. Ever.

It starts with a dinner after a rendezvous leading to the second sexual encounter of the night which escalates to a sleepover which inevitably becomes breakfast and ends with you rearranging the apartment. After all, how else are you going to make room for his stuff? Don’t become his friend. Just don’t.

No sleepovers.

Sleeping and having sex have nothing to do with each other if you are not a couple. Sleeping next to each other after a sexual encounter leads to cuddling, attachment, and a whole lot of mixed-up feelings. Don’t get sucked in. As good as the sex may be, he’s still your ex. Don’t forget that he earned that title.


WARNING! Do not attempt if you still have feelings for your former beau. Check out [my article] on how to get over your ex before you partake in a purely sexual relationship.

About the Author

Ely Torres
Ely Torres is the Editor-in-Chief of PHUEL PR & Media and a Music Editor at College Underground Radio. She lives in Chicago where she is patiently writing her first manuscript about the complexities in monogamy.

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