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Dating Advice For Women

December 3, 2013

Should You Have to Change?

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Written by: Elizabeth Monsoor
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When you are extremely interested in someone, it can be hard to hear that they don’t feel the same way about you. What can make this even more difficult is if they tell you that there is a specific quality about you or your personality that makes them not want to be with you. As much as you would like to forget that this ever happened, hearing this news unfortunately requires a reaction from you. Are you going to try to change for this person, or are you simply going to move on? This can feel like a  difficult decision to make, but ask yourself, “Should you even need to be making this decision in the first place?” Should you have to change something about who you are just so this person will like you? Is it even healthy for you to do so?

Does This Person Respect You?

Before you even consider changing for this person, be sure that they actually respect you. Chances are, if they are putting the future of your relationship on the line unless you change something about yourself, they probably do not respect you. This is especially true if they are looking for you to change something about your physical appearance. You never want to be with someone who can’t love you unless you become exactly who they want you to be.  If they really respected you, they would either learn to love you the way you are, or they would move on and find someone else that meets their criteria.

Have You Heard This Before?

Has someone asked you to change this about yourself before? If so, you may want to look at this part about you. This is would probably be something related to your personality or behavior. Maybe you judge people a little too quickly, or you’re too sarcastic for most people’s liking. You may not need to change anything about yourself, but if you hear this frequently, you may just want to check out your behavior and the attitude you are giving off.

Do You Like Who You Are?

The most important thing to consider is how you feel about yourself. If you truly like who you are, embrace it. You shouldn’t have to change for anyone unless you want to. If you are confident in who you are, own it, and tell this person that you do not deserve to be treated this way. Tell them that you are who you are, and if they can’t handle it, then maybe you aren’t the right person for them. You are the one who has to live with yourself and the decisions you have made, so do not change for anyone who doesn’t respect who you are.

The decision to change or stay the way you are can be hard. For a long time, I thought I would need to change to please the guy I was interested in. However, as I have grown and matured, I have realized that not everyone is going to like you and most of the time, there is nothing you can do to change that. This doesn’t mean that you can be awful to people and expect them to accept you because that is who you are, but rather that you should be able to accept that you cannot keep changing yourself to please every new person that comes along. That isn’t fair or healthy for you to do to yourself.


About the Author

Elizabeth Monsoor
Elizabeth Monsoor is currently working on her Bachelor of Fine Arts in dance at Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle, Washington. While Elizabeth pursues a career in dance, she has rediscovered her love for writing. When she is not in class or at rehearsals, Elizabeth enjoys actively commenting on episodes of reality television and tweeting her observations on relationships several times a day. She has an “eyes wide open” approach to dating, acting as an unofficial advisor and commentator on her friends’ relationships. Elizabeth hopes that her opinions on relationships and her love of sarcasm both entertain and inspire her readers.

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