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Dating Tips & Relationship Advice

Dating Advice For Women

December 10, 2013

How to Survive the Phases of a Broken Heart


Lost love, hurt feelings, and loneliness aren’t much fun, but you can spin your broken heart into something positive. It is important not to become bitter after a breakup. We need to take responsibility for our fates, by healing, setting standards, and living full lives. Accepting your pain as a simple phase makes it easier to progress to another place.

Phase 1: Loneliness

Your first newly single night is going to be lonely. The emptiness will not allow you to see the good things you have in your life. I remember feeling useless, unattractive, confused, foolish, and vulnerable. Although it hurts, you need to feel these things. It isn’t healthy to immediately disconnect from your truth. Let go and cry those first few nights, play sad songs, and sulk.

Phase 2: Don’t Place Blame

With my first heartache, I beat myself up because everything I had done in the relationship was “wrong”. I didn’t have experience, I didn’t give him enough attention, I wasn’t fun or interesting enough. This phase shouldn’t be a pity party. Gather a clear understanding of why the relationship is over. Then, learn what attracted you to your ex, what you didn’t like about him, and what attracted him to you.

Use these things to aid in your recovery. More importantly, keep in mind that a man will only do what you allow. If you were always, giving and you have nothing to show for it, you settled for someone who didn’t appreciate you.

Phase 3: Take Your Heart Back, Say Goodbye

Are you still sleeping in his shirt? Is his picture on your fridge?  Don’t invite him over, just throw everything away. Keeping physical reminders of a relationship doesn’t allow you to disengage your emotions, which is imperative to starting over. “Unfriend” him from all of your social networks, delete his emails, and text messages too. The purpose here is not to forget the relationship, or hate your ex. You just don’t need souvenirs.

Phase 4: Become Selfish

Do something for yourself. You have free time now, and you need to spend it with positive people who love you. Don’t rush into a new relationship. Have fun, flirt, and exchange numbers if there is a connection. You are going to kiss several frogs before you find your prince. A supportive circle is vital right now, so if you have negative people in your life, show them the door.

Phase 5: Break the Cycle

When I wasn’t sure what I deserved in love, I fell into a harmful dating pattern. When you are aware of your mistakes, it’s easy not to repeat them. Write a list of that you cannot tolerate in a partner. When writing these things down, remember to have realistic expectations because “Mr. Right” isn’t going to be perfect, he is flawed just as you are.

Next, write a list of qualities you need your partner to have. This can be things that attracted you to or ex, or even things that your friends have in their relationships. As you get older, your needs and wants will change, and your lists should too. You should not need to be in love to feel complete. A relationship should be a bonus to all of the great things you have in your life.

My heart has been broken a few times and I am proud to say, I learned from my experiences. I learned how to stand up for myself, I know I don’t have to be weak to let a man take the lead, and that my heart is far too valuable to throw into the hands of the highest bidder. As cliché as it sounds, know that time heals all wounds, and use your tears for nourishment.

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About the Author

Christina Scribner
Christina Scribner began writing poetry and short stories early in her childhood. As a freelance writer, her goal is to offer insight in the areas of relationships and beauty, drawing from personal experiences and studies. In her spare time, Christina still writes poetry, studies spirituality, obsesses over music, and loves hard. She is always excited to challenge herself and make life her teacher.

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