Nuvo Dating
Dating Tips & Relationship Advice

Dating Advice For Women

February 28, 2013

Why Men and Women Date Unstable Partners

Dealing with your friend's relationship stress gives you a headache.

I bet you see it all the time. You have a friend(s) that go for the same type of girl/guy, and the relationship always ends up in disaster. They wonder why, you don’t want to be the one who said “I told you so,” but it’s a common pattern you have been seeing, and can’t figure out why they can’t see it, or in fact, break it. We have those guy friends that always date psycho women and girl friends who go for those bad boys. Why do they only date that certain type, and how can we steer them away?


They Like to Feel Needed

I am by no means a therapist, but I like to think I speak from experience when a guy or a girl goes for someone who is no good for them, it’s usually because in some way, they feel needed and important to the person they are with. Whether it’s from their childhood where they felt like they had to protect their parent, or act like a parent to their parents, they like the satisfaction they feel when they can help their emotionally unstable partner. Unfortunately, what they don’t realize is they are the ones in need of rescuing. Also, they don’t realize the person who needs them will never truly be satisfied. It’s a “no-win” situation, and that’s why these relationships tend to end up in disaster. Both partners are trying to fulfill something that is missing in their lives, and expecting their partners to save them.


They are Attracted to the Unstable

Sometimes guys chose women who are emotionally unstable because they are notably good in bed. Women like bad boys because they like to chase them, and love the drama and excitement that comes with a guy that has no boundaries. Eventually, this does get old, and what they are left with is no stability, and that is why these relationships end up in the dumpster. Women get sick of the chase, and guys get sick of the co-dependent nature of their partner. They come to realize there is never a chance for a stable, healthy relationship with someone who clearly has their own problems they need to work out on their own.


Do Nothing

Sadly, although we would just love to knock some sense into our friends and say “Wake up, already!!” butting-in is not an option. Instead, play the role of the friend they can confide in when things are heading South in their unstable relationship. Don’t say anything bad about their current situation, they will figure it out for themselves. If you criticize constantly and act completely intrusive and negative, you will be pushing them away and pushing them towards the their toxic partner. Accept some people have to learn the hard way, even if they have to bump their head a couple times.

About the Author

Tracey Fuller
Tracey is a Chicago native and has her degree in journalism from Columbia College. Her passion for writing about dating and relationships derives from her own experiences, as well as from friends conversations about their dating life. She has been a freelance writer for 10 years.

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