Could you be breaking your own heart without even knowing? Are you constantly searching for a magic “something” that no real human can live up to? Maybe you aren’t comfortable in your own life, so you live for the person you’re with. All of these behaviors can hurt those around you, but you are paying for it worse than anyone else. Let’s talk about three ways you might be causing your own heartache and why you need to stop.
The beginning of a new relationship is always a fun, exciting, happy time. You’re inseparable while you’re trying to learn everything about each other. There’s no fighting, just good laughs, hot sex, and long talks. You don’t even realize that you’re building the bond that will serve as the foundation for a more serious relationship. A little later down the line, you become more attached and might even fall in love. But, just before you decide to make a serious transition in the relationship, like thinking about moving in together, you find an excuse to break up.
This is a horrible behavior pattern, but, like most, it comes from a deeper place. Understand that your behavior isn’t just hurting yourself, but all of your past and future partners. If you aren’t ready for a commitment, make it clear. Don’t just go with the flow until you panic and suddenly break it off. Try being single for a while to get to know yourself better before you get involved with anyone else.
You Lose Yourself
I love to date men who are my complete opposite. I’m always fascinated by the challenge it presents and the interesting things I can learn. However, there’s a flip side to this. If you aren’t completely secure with who you are and the life you have, it’s easy to escape into another person’s world and forget who you were before you met. There is a difference between being open-minded by stepping out of your comfort zone and completely living for someone else.
If you notice that you only spend time with your partner’s friends, that you’ve appropriated your partner’s hobbies and discarded yours, and that people who used to be close to you are looking more and more like strangers, you need to take a step back into your own reality. Couples naturally pick up bits of each others’ lifestyle, but it isn’t healthy to forsake who you are as an individual. You don’t have to break up, but remember that great nights out with your own posse will balance things out.
You’re Too Busy for Love
Maybe getting over a broken heart is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do and you can’t bear to send yourself down that road again. You might even have trust issues from an previous relationship. Whatever the case, you always hide behind the excuse that you’re too busy for love because you think it’s safer to be alone. You avoid feeling lonely by working too hard, falling asleep early, and hiding your smile.
While it is natural inclination to protect oneself from harm, seeking vulnerability and closeness with another person is a natural tendencies too. You can ease into a relationship; No one expects you to give 100 percent of yourself on the first date. You might become super successful and have a million cool hobbies without the distraction of being in a relationship, but eventually you’ll want someone to share your life with. Stop saying you’re too busy for love. Nobody believes you anyway.
Relationships are scary. They’re scary if you’re a complete stranger to love and they’re scary when you have loved several times. There’s always a risk of having your feelings hurt and your heart stomped on, but there’s also a chance of two people changing each others’ lives for the better. Both scenarios help you build character. Fear is a complete handicap. Don’t break your own heart because you’re afraid someone else will. You can’t win at that game.