Usually when a guy says you’re the only girl he wants to date, your relationship status is as clear as your desire to be his little spoon every night. But what if that guy is also into guys? You might need him to be a little more specific…
Sexuality is certainly a spectrum, and each person and relationship is incredibly unique. But if you’re about to dive into bisexual waters, here are some helpful tips for navigating this new territory:
When you first meet someone who identifies as bisexual, it’s tempting to make the assumption that the person is gay but just hasn’t come out yet. These snap judgments can pop up in even the most open-minded of individuals; not only are they unfair, they’re downright incorrect. He’s probably used to fielding these comments from gays and straights alike, but if you take the time to learn about his sexuality, he will sincerely appreciate it.
It’s not your job to critique or define someone else’s sexual orientation, just like you wouldn’t want to be challenged about your own. Instead, it’s ok to ask questions and learn more about this guy’s particular preferences and lifestyle; listen and learn in order to evaluate your own feelings about a potential relationship.
It’s natural to feel the little growl of envy in your belly every time the guy you like stares just a little too long at the leggy blonde that just poured him a Newcastle at the bar. Girls are used to battling the jealousy monster. But what if that blonde is a guy that looks like he stepped off the cover of GQ? The feelings become a little muddled when your competition isn’t your own gender: it’s like an anatomical version of apples to oranges (or bananas?).
Dating a bi guy broadens potential competitors for his attention, and it can be really difficult not to become a paranoid mess about the whole human race. Still, there comes a certain point in a relationship where you wouldn’t even want an alien flirting with him. When you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level, the instinct toward monogamy requires the same open lines of dialogue you’d have with any hetero guy.
Not all straight people have the same values or wants, and neither do bisexuals. He’s not attracted to every person he meets, just like you’re not into everything with a penis. The key is to communicate your own fears or concerns and be able to talk openly about them. If a guy is bi it doesn’t mean he can’t be exclusive; polyamory is very different than bisexuality.
If it’s your first experience in this kind of relationship, take your time and evaluate how you feel every step of the way. The standards you’d hold for any boyfriend still apply to this guy, even though his dating history is different than what you’re used to. If you decide it’s a deal breaker for you then that’s fine, no sweat! If you do decide to date him, though, you may be surprised just how “normal” your relationship will be.