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Dating Advice For Women

October 17, 2012

Get a Guy After Break Up

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Written by: Kate Kishel
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According to John Gray, Ph.D. and author of 12 bestsellers including Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, “Good endings make for good beginnings.”  At first, that can seem a little confusing.  How can one have a good ending after the heart-wrenching and overall horrific break up has already happened?

There are 4 main steps to follow to get the guy you deserve.

  • Forgiveness

Dr. Gray would recommend that you have to forgive your ex before you start dating again.  One thing that is crucial to remember is that forgiveness is not instantaneous.  Nor is it as simple as picking up the phone and telling your ex, “I forgive you.”  (Actually, that might be a really bad idea.)

Defriend your ex from Facebook, and try to have as little contact as possible.  Immediately after the breakup, resist the urge to find out what he is up to.  He was a big part of your life, but the longer the drama and ugliness goes on, the harder it will be to forgive him and move on.

True forgiveness is when you are able to honestly wish your ex the best in his life.  You don’t have to say it, but you have to know it in your heart.

  • Focus on Yourself

Time helps to heal, but only when that time is spent doing positive things.  Take some time to focus on yourself.  Spend time with friends and family, and do something that you always wanted to do but did not have time for, like signing up for a yoga class or going on a weekend getaway to the spa.

  • Start Dating Again

When you know in your heart that you are able to be open to meeting a new guy, it’s time to figure out what type of guy you want.   Some lucky woman might meet the right guy for her on a first date.  For other another woman, it might take more dates.  It does not mean that there is something wrong with you if it takes six or even ten first dates to find the right guy, but there is one mistake that you should never make on a first date.

Almost all dating experts, including Allison Conner, Psy.D. from Psychology Today, agree that talking too much about your ex too soon is one of the worst mistakes you can make when dating.  If your date asks about your ex or the breakup, say something like, “It just didn’t work out.  I was really interested in what you were saying earlier about…”  If your date persists, tell him that you would rather focus on him instead of your ex.

  • Enjoy you New Relationship and New Life

When you do find a new boyfriend, your new relationship will be much easier since you have already put your ex in the past and forgiven him.  For the record, forgiving your ex is not the same thing as liking the guy.  You will be ready to enjoy your new relationship and live life how it should be lived—to the fullest and with love.

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About the Author

Kate Kishel
Kate Kishel comes from a very diverse background. Along with having a career as an art teacher, mental health practioner, and ranch hand, she has a natural instinct about dating and decided to return to her first and true love of writing.




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