Dear Most Brave Girl,
I just got out of a relationship with a guy who complained that I wasn’t a good kisser. Now that I’m on the market again, I’ve been too self-conscious to try out my kissing skills on anyone new. How do I know if I’m a good kisser?
Smoochy the Cowardly Date
Knowing how to kiss is sort of like knowing how to dance: If you’re enjoying yourself, you’re doing it right. Sure, there are classically-trained dancers who know all of the fancy rules but for most people, it’s all subjective.
Twirl Here, Reverse Here, Jazz Hand Finish
One of the most important things for dancers and kissers to keep in mind is to read their partner. If you’ve ever danced or kissed anyone, you know that it’s less about knowing the steps exactly as it is about the chemistry and interaction between the two of you. Kissing gets both parties a bit too disheveled to try to stick to a plan that you made beforehand. You’ve got to ditch the step-by-step, roll with it and see where the smooching river flows.
Everyone’s a Winner
A friend of mine says that there are no good kissers and no bad kissers. It only matters if you and your fellow make-out machine have similar methods and preferences. Some people like bold, no-tongues-barred kissing and others are turned off by that kind of intensity. What do you like?
Being perceptive is your best strategy. Good kissers are always tuned into their partner, so you have to play off of each other in order for kissing to be fun. If you’re trying to make him feel good and trying your best to pick up on his cues, chances are you’ll strike a physical dynamic that you both enjoy (unless he’s way into stuff that you think is not sexy at all. There’s no accounting for taste). Don’t feel bad if your kissing styles don’t match up right. Sometimes that happens but it’s not your fault or his.
Get Your Groove Back
It doesn’t matter what your ex-boyfriend thought. It’s just as likely that he was the bad kisser. In fact, I think it’s more likely because it sounds like he was busy judging you instead of figuring out what you liked and trying to sync up techniques. He was not the end-all, be-all kissing authority so don’t let his judgment curse your confidence. Your next biddy might think you’re the hottest kisser ever for precisely the same reason that last jerk thought you were a clumsy one.
Do you have a question about dating, love or the single life? Leave it in the comments and I’ll reply in next week’s Question & Answer!