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September 17, 2013

Is Your Relationship Making You Try Too Hard?


Relationships can be tricky and hard to navigate. When it starts to feel that the relationship is slipping, or it is unclear of how well it is actually working, we will often try to force the relationship to work. There are a few ways to do this. One is to constantly talk about the relationship to friends and family. Another is to try to convince yourself and your S.O that it is working. And the third way is to force the relationship’s success through social media. Whatever the way the relationship is being forced, the reality is, and this cannot be escaped, that the relationship is not working. These are not absolutes that the relationship isn’t salvageable, but they can often mean that too much effort in going into making the relationship work.

Not only are these behaviors annoying to others, but they shouldn’t be necessary if the relationship is working. Usually you know when you are trying to force the relationship, but it is possible that you are not aware of what you are doing. There are a few factors in the relationship that can let you know that you may be doing this.

Has The Word “Love” Lost  Its Value?

Love is an important word in a relationship. Usually it is a big deal when it is first said, and there are a lot of nervous moments that come before deciding to say it. But what happens after it is said? How often do you have to tell your S.O. you love them? Once a day? After every phone conversation? Or once every hour? Whatever the appropriate amount for you and your relationship, you have to ask yourself if you are taking the value of the word away. It is possible to say it too much to each other and this can definitely be a sign of forcing the relationship. But in addition, do you really love each other if you constantly feel the need to announce it to friends, family, and your entire friends list on Facebook?

Are You Trying To Claim Your Territory?

Are you always trying to make it clear that you are with your S.O. in public? Do you find yourself getting jealous or nervous every time another girl is around? How many photos of you and your S.O. paired with googled quotes about love do you need on your Facebook? Any of these things may actually be you trying to claim your territory or it may be a sign that you have trust issues with your S.O. This is not necessarily true for your relationship, but if it isn’t, why do you feel the need to make it so obvious that you’re with this person and that you love each other so much?

Is Anything Still Sacred?

There is something sacred about being more private about a relationship rather than sharing every intimate detail with friends, family, and everyone on social networking sites. There should still be some things that are sacred to just you and your S.O. If you are not trying to force the relationship through social media, cut out all the detail sharing. Yes, it is important to let people know how happy you are, especially your loved ones, but it is definitely not necessary to make your entire relationship available to the public.

In any relationship, you have to be honest with yourself and each other. Why do you feel the need to make your relationship so public? Do you trust your man? Do you actually feel that the relationship is working? It is important to address these issues now instead of ignoring them. If the relationship isn’t working, it is better to accept that fact now rather than putting on a show until the relationship falls apart in an obliterated mess. The bottom line is, how necessary is it to make people see that the relationship is working if it actually is?

About the Author

Elizabeth Monsoor
Elizabeth Monsoor is currently working on her Bachelor of Fine Arts in dance at Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle, Washington. While Elizabeth pursues a career in dance, she has rediscovered her love for writing. When she is not in class or at rehearsals, Elizabeth enjoys actively commenting on episodes of reality television and tweeting her observations on relationships several times a day. She has an “eyes wide open” approach to dating, acting as an unofficial advisor and commentator on her friends’ relationships. Elizabeth hopes that her opinions on relationships and her love of sarcasm both entertain and inspire her readers.

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