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July 31, 2013

Why His Sex Number Doesn’t Matter (And Neither Does Yours!)


Dear Most Brave Girl,

I’ve been dating a guy for a little while, but he comes with a reputation. He’s slept with a lot more people than I have. It makes me nervous. What should I do?


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Lots of people are uneasy when they think about the old partners of their new love interest, but there are a several reasons why you don’t need to feel uncomfortable about his sex number ever again.

What’s the Real Reason?

If you’re feeling weird about being the next person on your new partner’s list, chances are that your issue boils down to something basically unrelated: either you’re jealous of his previous partners and insecure about your place on his spectrum of paramours, or you’re feeling daunted by his extensive experience so you’re struggling with feelings of inadequacy. Which category are you in?

If You Can’t Take The Heat Don’t Make Pancakes

How old is everyone now? You know what, it doesn’t matter. No matter your age, you have a past. You’ve accumulated some sexual baggage, just like everyone else. Essentially everyone approaches a new significant other claiming a spotless sexual slate. But it’s a façade. Pretending that your boyfriend is a virtuous, pure-as-the-driven-snow soul is like pretending that this is a maître d’. Or that this is Antonio Banderas. So shiny on the outside, but still an animal within. We’re all just filthy, sexual animals. It’s not that much fun to think about your man getting down with a bunch of other biddies, but you need to acknowledge it without freaking out.

If you’re going to be jealous and insecure about every past experience your boyfriend has had, you’re going to be miserable forever. At some point (right now), we all just have to throw up our hands and admit that adults do things (like people). Your next flame is probably not going to be a virgin. But who cares? Neither are you. Would you like your new love to judge you because of it?

But I Heard His Last Girlfriend Was a Sex Robot

If you’re worried about being compared to past partners, you’ve got to relax. The only thing stopping you from being a cool sex lady is if you don’t try to make him feel good. You just need to learn what he likes. He has had his share of good, bad and boring lovers but his sexual memories aren’t going to dilute the passion that you can bring into the bedroom.

If you’re worried that he doesn’t take relationships seriously and that he’s only attached to you for the sex, you should really be talking to him about this. You can’t judge him on past relationships or be critical of his previous affinity for casual sex. Every relationship is different and everyone has been through many different phases of life. His behavior and connection with you is the only thing that matters.

You Cannot Get Honey From a Hornet’s Nest

Everyone has a past. As you get older (and you accumulate more embarrassing, desperate or misguided choices in your life, as we all do), you’ll realize how little it matters and how unfair it would be if someone judged you for yours. If you honestly can’t handle the thought of your loverboy in the arms of another woman (even if it happened a long time ago), maybe it’s time to start dating virgins. And that’s a whole different box of hornets. Good luck.

Do you have a question about dating, love or the single life? Leave it in the comments and I’ll reply in next week’s Question & Answer!

About the Author

Most Brave Girl
MostBraveGirl is the Executive Editor for Nouveau Dating and Love is Everywhere. She is a search and destroy robot for anyone acting stupid while trying to get laid. Ask for her help if you are one of those people.

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