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Dating Tips For Men

May 15, 2013

How Do I Stop Flirting?


Dear Most Brave Girl,

There’s a girl at work who I’ve been flirting with a lot. I thought I might want to pursue a relationship with her but as I get to know her better, I’m just not feeling it. She’s used to our playful, flirty work friendship and I don’t want to be mean. What should I do so I don’t lead her on?


HR Nightmare

Dear HRN,
If you’ve been flirting for awhile, I take it she’s been flirting back. Assuming she now has expectations about where your relationship is heading, you need to start backpedaling. Here’s what you do:

Mix Up Your Routine
Do you guys eat lunch together every Wednesday? Cancel it. Do you pass notes in the staff meeting? Don’t initiate and don’t answer. If she confronts you about it, claim that you thought your boss was onto you. Set a precedent for your new friendship. If you change your behavior once, it’ll be easier to keep changing. She’ll think you’re a flake, but if you keep flirting, the fireworks will eventually come to a head and you’ll have to make a huge deal out of rejecting her. Then she’ll think you’re mean. Flaky is better than mean.

Cease Communication
Do you guys send each other instant messages or texts during the workday? You can still reply but nix the enthusiasm. Don’t talk to her first and when she asks you questions, be brief. Answer a few but then stop. Don’t even make an excuse to get out of it. You got busy. Not a big deal. You should be busy. You’re at work. Oh, and definitely tone down your whole giggle routine when you pass by her desk on the way to the break room. If you keep casually eliminating contact between the two of you, she’ll stop expecting it. Easy let down.

Start Being More Friendly with Other Coworkers
When you’re sure she’s watching, be friendly with some other people at work. Nothing over the top, but try to make your interaction with other coworkers as engaging as your interaction with her has been. Pretend you’re the friendliest guy in the neighborhood. You guys don’t know each other that well so she hasn’t seen every side of your personality yet. Downgrade your relationship with her to Flirting Lite Now with 80% Less Affectionate Arm Grazing by ramping up your conversations and your smiles with everyone else. Even the playing field for everybody and soon she’ll have a hard time convincing herself that her relationship with you is anything special.

These are all starter tips and you’re going to feel mean at first. Remember that it’s better to do it now than to have a rejection talk or send her an email with all kinds of excuses. That would be overkill. Keep it casual and you’ll be able to keep the work friend without the work flirt.

If you have a question about dating, love or the single life, please leave it in the comments and I’ll reply in next week’s Question & Answer!

About the Author

Most Brave Girl
MostBraveGirl is the Executive Editor for Nouveau Dating and Love is Everywhere. She is a search and destroy robot for anyone acting stupid while trying to get laid. Ask for her help if you are one of those people.

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