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May 1, 2013

Should I Date a Friend of My Ex?


Dear Most Brave Girl,

Lately I’ve been talking a lot with a girl who happens to be a friend of my ex. They’re still pretty close so I feel awkward asking her out. What’s the proper etiquette?


Bro Love Tail

Dear BLT,

Your situation hinges on four key questions: Do you hate your ex’s guts? Do you still have feelings for your ex? Would you feel guilty hurting her feelings? Finally, how much do you like the friend? Note: If you are only interested in hitting it followed closely by quitting it, go immediately to Advice #5.

Advice #1: Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Never or That Time I Exploded a Whole Relationship
If you hate your ex and want to smack her in her stupid face, don’t date the friend. You’ll only be feeding the bitterness inside of you instead of refocusing that energy on something or someone else and letting that hostility go. You’re hurting yourself even if you sorely want to get back at her. It’ll be unavoidable: she’ll be at parties or group events or you might have to go on tense double dates. Worst of all, you might start noticing similarities between your ex and the friend, which could create misplaced resentment, undermining your new, fresh relationship.

Advice #2: You Leave That Nice Girl Alone
If you still care about your ex, don’t date the friend. If you start hanging out with the friend, you’ll constantly be reminded of your ex. You need to focus on moving on. Spending a lot of time with a person who is tied to her memory is detrimental to your cause. In addition, any relationship you start with the friend will be compromised by unavoidable comparisons and probable insecurities. How can she be sure that you’re not using her to get close to your ex again? Are you sure that’s not what you’re doing? You’ll also put the friend in a confusing position, juggling both of your feelings and her allegiances. Plus you’ll be subjecting your own friends to your endless asinine whining about how weird you feel and how do you think my ex feels and oh have you talked to her, what did she say, is she mad? That is the worst. Get over your ex, try to get her back or pine for her forever, but leave everyone else out of it.

Advice #3: There Are No Bonus Points for Drama
If you have lukewarm feelings for the friend, remember that this situation has the potential to make your life hellish at worst, mildly pleasing at best and pretty annoying more than likely. Why would you even want to tempt drama like that? Don’t date the friend. It’s already been annoying having to think it through this much.

Advice #4: Aren’t You Getting This It’s a Bad Idea
You’re really sweet on the friend but you still feel awkward about your ex. Don’t NOT date the friend just because you don’t want to make your ex uncomfortable but consider if you would be upset if she started dating one of your friends. Would it be easy to make a graceful social recovery when the new couple premiered in your friend group? If it would suck for you and you believe in karma, don’t date the friend.

Advice #5: Whatever Let Them Deal With It
If you don’t care about anything I’ve already said then do whatever you want. It doesn’t seem like you’re going to care if the ex gets angry or the friend feels conflicted. That’s their problem. Apathy!

If you have a question about dating, love or the single life, please leave it in the comments and I’ll reply in next week’s Question & Answer!

About the Author

Most Brave Girl
MostBraveGirl is the Executive Editor for Nouveau Dating and Love is Everywhere. She is a search and destroy robot for anyone acting stupid while trying to get laid. Ask for her help if you are one of those people.

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