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September 4, 2013

End the Breakup and Makeup Cycle

end-the-breakup-makeup-cycle

Exes, man. They’re a tough nut to crack. Some exes are so despicable, you do whatever you can to ensure that they’re eliminated from your life. Others are so cool that you can not only have them around, you can be friends. And then there are the exes that you can’t seem to keep out of your love life. Are you part of any of these scenarios?

  1. You’re the couple that is always fighting, breaks up constantly, and a week later, gets back together like nothing ever happened. Your friends are sick of hearing you complain about each other, or don’t believe you each time you say “it’s really over.” Your friends love you too much to be brutally honest, but I will be: Break up or stay together. Just pick one. The constant up and down can’t be good for your sanity or the sanity of the people around you. Look, either you know you’re not meant to be together but can’t pull the trigger or you’re using breaking up as a bargaining chip to win a fight. If it’s the former, just commit to ending it. Staying with each other because you’re afraid not to be together is not only damaging to yourselves, it’s weak. Realize that there’s probably an amount of work you need to do on yourself after the drama-fest of this relationship, and then move on. If you’re using breaking up as a way to win a fight, stop. Breaking up is a very serious thing; you should not use it lightly to get your way. What’s more, if you finally realize that it’s over, no one is going to believe you and no one is going to come to your aid.
  2. You have a tendency to hook up with your exes. Well, what are we talking here? A one-time roll-in-the-hay? Well, that’s not too bad, if neither of you still have feelings. You dated, so there’s obviously a spark. As long as neither of you are attached, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just try and keep your encounters down to the one time, or at least to a minimum to avoid attachment. If it’s more than once, if you just keep revisiting old relationships, you might have a problem. If you can’t help forgetting what made you two break up in the first place, write it down. Seriously. Write down each ex and the main reason your relationship didn’t work out. If you start considering dating again, look at the reason and decide if they’ve truly changed. If so, go for it! If not, you should probably stay away.
  3. You’re powerless against one ex. You’ve got this one person stringing you along, constantly keeping you under their thumb, sending you through a tear of emotions at their whim and no matter what they do, you can’t stop going back. Oh honey, I feel ya. But you have to stop. The situation is never going to get better. Once they’ve started looking at you as a tool for their pleasure and entertainment, rather than a living, breathing, person… well that doesn’t just go away. You have to be strong. You’ve probably had friends telling you this for a long time, to break up with them and stop doing this to yourself, but you haven’t listened. No one is going to say the magic words that will make you wake up and realize that you can do much better. You have to realize it yourself.

If any of these apply to you, it’s okay. We’ve all been tempted by the pull of a former lover. But sometimes you have to do what’s right for you. Be safe and good luck!

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About the Author

Lauren Volpe
Lauren Volpe is a recent graduate of Texas State University with a BA in English Literature with a Minor in Anthropology. She is now a freelance writer. She is passionate about writing and studying human interactions. She enjoys giving relationship advice built on her personal history, and the experiences of her friends and family. She currently resides in San Marcos, Texas.




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