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How To Kiss

March 29, 2013

How to Kiss: the Evolution of Kissing


The other day I was pondering about how I, as a human woman, learned the fine art of kissing.  How to kiss is not something that I think about too much anymore, but it DEFINITELY was something I’ve thought a lot about in the past.  So much so, I realized that there exists a kind of evolution of kissing; a string of Darwinian type experiences where the techniques of kissing get weeded out by the firing squad that is natural selection.

The Movie Phase

Remember watching movies for kissing tips?  Taking a trip to your local blockbuster to rent a rom-com so that you could awkwardly play-pause-rewind-play over all the make out scenes.  Hopefully, if you were apart of this tween ritual, you didn’t end up renting something pre 1970, from the areas of head wobbling and full body gestures (nobody wants a thirteen year old attempting the ol’ dip back and kiss routine).  However, while it may seem creepy to watch movies for the kissing scenes, there’s a lot to be said for what you can learn from pre-kiss and mid-kiss body language.  It’s how I eventually mastered the lean-in, a vital aspect of how to kiss successfully.   Let’s all just go watch Hitch on repeat and fantasize about doing the lean-in with Will Smith.

The Floozy Phase

This phase usually begins right after the discovery of alcohol.  Remember that time you went to that party and had one too many jello-shots and ended up macking on some guy with a lip ring under the beer pong table?  That was embarrassing.  But  don’t worry, we’ve all been there.  It’s one of those phases that makes you half cringe half giggle, because you’ve lost the ability to name all the people you’ve kissed, but you’ve also developed game.  While some people may try and apply shame to this kind of scandalous kissing, I would like to encourage it.  The only way to know how not to dart your over-wet tongue in and out of someone’s mouth, is by having to experience the discomfort of people who kiss this way.  The floozy phase holds the key to understanding proper mouth to tongue ratios.

And Finally… the Older Boyfriend Phase

This is my favorite phase.  It’s when you meet that slightly older, sporty guy (hopefully a yoga instructor) who knows a thing or two about breath and mouths, and takes you to the advanced classes on how to kiss.  It was this period in my life that I finally understood a mysterious act I had previously discovered in the “movie phase”, a little something known as the mid-kiss linger.  The mystery is, when it’s seen in a third person perspective, the linger looks like some sort of staring intermission between kisses.  It wasn’t until I met my older guy that I understood what all the pausing was about.  Exchanging breaths, however strange, can add volumes to the intensity of a make-out.  Pulling back to let the cold air of the room creep in between your hot breaths will burn your panties right off your body.


After these initial stages, the evolution of kissing kind of ceases to be about technique.  Kissing isn’t a three class course that you can master by memorizing facts.  If anything, it’s about shutting off your brain.  Don’t think about what your breath smells like, or if you’re maintaining a good rhythm.  Once you’ve mastered the lean-in and good tongue tactics, just let go.  Kissing is ultimately about being in the moment.

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About the Author

Hannah Warner
Hannah Warner is the Content Developer for Love is Everywhere. Hannah is currently working with Anna on 'Love is Everywhere' her most recent book and giving as much advice on love, dating and more to Nouveau Dating readers.

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