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December 17, 2013

Are You Afraid of Commitment?


Commitment is a big deal. It is hard to give yourself fully to someone and trust that they aren’t going to eventually destroy you in return. Most of us know what it feels like to put so much of ourselves into a relationship and have it backfire. Experiencing hurt like that doesn’t usually make you want to jump back into dating, and it especially doesn’t make you eager to commit to someone new. But if we’re too afraid to give our hearts to someone who loves us, we’ll never truly find love and the happiness that comes with it.

While you want to be able to commit to someone special, it’s important not to just throw yourself into a relationship that will eventually cause us pain. How can you know that this person will always be there? Well, you don’t. So much of choosing to put yourself out there is being smart and observant, but sometimes you have to trust your partner as well, even if it might backfire. If it does, at least you will come out learning something new. Every new relationship is an opportunity to learn. So, how can we get over our fear of commitment?


Listen to your partner before you decide to commit. Really hear what they say and pay attention to their behavior. Hopefully they’re usually straightforward with you, but their actions can clue you in on how they feel. If they’re expecting you to make a serious commitment of commitment, make sure that they are willing to do the same for you. You don’t have to jump in right away, but simply making an effort to get there is a good start.

Learn to Trust

We all have trust issues on some level, but we should never let them get in the way of establishing a strong relationship with someone who truly wants to be with us. If they are there for you and willing to treat you the way you deserve, try to trust them. Don’t throw yourself in all at once, but start to give yourself to them a little more. If you’re not in a place to say, “I love you” yet, that’s fine. Start with a “You mean so much to me,” or “I care about you.” There is no reason you should have to commit more than you want to, but slowly growing toward the commitment you both want will get you there faster than completely shutting down.

Be Independent

Your partner fell for the person you were before you two were together, the independent and strong you. Just because you have committed yourself to your partner doesn’t mean that you still can’t be independent. Independence in a partner is usually preferred. You don’t want to become too dependent on your partner. This is usually how you end up getting hurt. You can commit to someone fully without losing yourself so much that you can’t live without them. If you keep your independence after you commit, it’ll be way easier to handle the blow if you end up getting hurt.

Don’t be afraid of commitment. Like most things in life, it can be wonderful if you remember to use your head along with your heart, and always be true to yourself.


About the Author

Elizabeth Monsoor
Elizabeth Monsoor is currently working on her Bachelor of Fine Arts in dance at Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle, Washington. While Elizabeth pursues a career in dance, she has rediscovered her love for writing. When she is not in class or at rehearsals, Elizabeth enjoys actively commenting on episodes of reality television and tweeting her observations on relationships several times a day. She has an “eyes wide open” approach to dating, acting as an unofficial advisor and commentator on her friends’ relationships. Elizabeth hopes that her opinions on relationships and her love of sarcasm both entertain and inspire her readers.

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