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October 22, 2013

Don’t Be Bitter

Young sad woman

When you’re single, it’s easy to fall into a state of bitterness about love. Being single means that sometimes you’re going to be on your own, and that can feel very lonely. You might feel unlovable, like you’ll never be able to find the right person for you. While you may know in your head that these feelings are a little dramatic or crazy, sometimes the fear that you will never find someone is so real to your heart that you can’t control it. But when you’re so frustrated and lonely that you adopt a bitter attitude towards love in general, you might lash out at friends and family because they’re in relationships, or you’re just so frustrated that you’ll snap at anyone for no reason.

While it is normal to feel like this sometimes, it’s also extremely dangerous for your relationships, current and future. You don’t want to start losing friends because you make a snarky comment every time they mention their significant other. Not only is it rude and uncalled for to treat your friends like this, it’s also extremely annoying. You never want to be known as the bitter friend who can’t find love who’s a jerk to everyone else. You might also unintentionally be scaring away potential dates.  Here are some things you can try to keep in mind to stave off the bitter, negative feelings.

Take Some Time to Breathe

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by how you’re feeling, especially if you have a lot of other crazy things going on in your life and focusing on your solitude provides a distraction. Psych yourself up and tell yourself that everything is going to be alright. Be kind to yourself and look at the positive side of being alone.  Look at the independence and freedom that it allows. Remind yourself that it’s okay to not be dating anyone right now. Use this time to strengthen your current friendships or find ways to broaden your circle of friends. This is also a perfect time to work on yourself and make any self-improving changes that you’ve been thinking about (working out, spending time on a hobby, volunteering).

Get a Reality Check

It’s often easy as a single person to feel that you will never find someone for you. Be real and stop overreacting. Just because you haven’t found someone yet doesn’t mean that there’s no hope for you. Calm down and be honest with yourself. There is no reason to espouse a sour attitude or attack those around you for your irrational feelings. If you’ve chosen to be single, honor your reasons for that decision.  If you’d like to be in a relationship, become the positive person who attracts others.

Remember Who Is Important to You

When you feel yourself getting caustic and spiteful, close your eyes and take a deep breath. It’s not anyone else’s fault that you feel this way, so you can’t punish them for it. Put your friendships before your own feelings. Remember who you love. Even if they are not a significant other, they are an important part of your life and should not be taken for granted. The more you attack them because you’re bitter about being single, the more likely you are to lose the people who are vital to your life. You don’t want to push the people you do have away.

Whether you’re single by choice or by circumstance, there’s always one person you can’t escape: Yourself.  Would you want to be with someone who’s bitter and angry, or with someone who’s positive and upbeat? The person you’re looking for is asking the exact same question.


About the Author

Elizabeth Monsoor
Elizabeth Monsoor is currently working on her Bachelor of Fine Arts in dance at Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle, Washington. While Elizabeth pursues a career in dance, she has rediscovered her love for writing. When she is not in class or at rehearsals, Elizabeth enjoys actively commenting on episodes of reality television and tweeting her observations on relationships several times a day. She has an “eyes wide open” approach to dating, acting as an unofficial advisor and commentator on her friends’ relationships. Elizabeth hopes that her opinions on relationships and her love of sarcasm both entertain and inspire her readers.

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