Nuvo Dating
Dating Tips & Relationship Advice

Date Ideas

March 21, 2013

New Relationship: Hitting A Love Rut

More articles by »
Written by: Hannah Fredenberg
Tags: , , , ,

You’re finally in an exclusive relationship with someone. It’s been about two or three months of having the title together – you’re happy, he’s happy, everything seems good so far. So why is your mind swirling with anxiety and uneasiness? You’re finding yourself analyzing if you’re too content. Is it normal to be bored already in your relationship, or sensing that your new guy is bored with you? An unexpected sense of panic begins to take over, and you start asking your girlfriends incessant questions: Does he still find me attractive? Am I getting annoying? Lazy? Too comfortable? Is this relationship doomed to fail? What is wrong?!

First step: Don’t panic! The two or three-month hump in a new relationship is a very expected (and realistic) phase. You and your boyfriend are no longer giddily skipping down Lover’s Lane at the moment, and that is normal. There is a difference in feelings when you go from cutesy “oh-so-in-love” daters to a real and committed couple. Right now you are both in that awkward phase of secretly wondering what the opposite is thinking of you. While flaws and annoying habits of the opposite partner do become more apparent, remember that this does not necessarily mean that either of you aren’t happy. Relationships have a natural development; just like any friendship or family bond, they are going to have its ups and downs, especially in its beginning stages. Yes, you will both experience both new and spontaneous experiences together. Yet you also must realize that relationships with others are also based on unexciting daily routines and monotony. Real love and happiness is not a constant euphoric high – the butterflies you used to have when initially pursuing one another will fade in some manner.

However, this does not mean either of you are throwing in the towel! Relationships do take work, and you shouldn’t let the new relationship rut make you second-guess your love quite yet. Don’t change who you are please (that’s why he fell for you in the first place), but perhaps think about changing up the habitual activities the two of you have settled into. Here are a few guidelines to help reinvigorate the sparks again between you and your new beau:

Unexpected Gestures

Whether creativity is your strong suite or not, now is the time to think outside the box. Don’t make it too complicated, but try to take him off guard. Surprise him with his favorite home-cooked meal when he arrives home from a late day of work or classes. Invite him out for a quick coffee date during his lunch break. Leave cute notes in random spots (check out Kelsey Gibbon’s article “Love Notes” for tips). Whatever it is, make it personal and something that will make him appreciate you all the more.

Get Active

Nothing scares a new boyfriend more than nightmare visions of the two of you growing old, fat, and “content” simply watching hours of T.V. together. Remember that you’re both young-spirited, and should still be out and about having a fun time together! Guys especially aren’t as keen typically in just having movie-nights or quiet dinners spent at some fancy restaurant time and time again. At least try alternating these sorts of cozy activities with something exhilarating in the same day/night. Get into a little feisty competition together, or do something outdoors or out in the public scene. The list is literally endless: rollercoaster rides, laser-tag, hike (complete with a following picnic of course), ice-skating, boarding and skiing out on a lake, jogging together, etc. Even if you’re not feeling up to too much physical work, go out to new urban bar together, and be that buzzed duo singing karaoke tunes all night! Laugh and be goofy whatever you end up doing. Love is about letting your quirky, fun side out – show him you are not a girlfriend who is going to “tie him down” or make him cooped up in bed or on a coach all day.

Give Him and Yourself Space

Don’t make the mistake of doing anything and everything to be constantly together or working on your relationship. This will only scare him away and make you appear needy. The two or three-month rut is simply a part of the relationship package. Don’t be spending an entire three-day weekend constantly at each other’s side. Plan a night out with your girlfriends, and encourage or hope he does the same with his guys. Take a breath, be yourself, and let the relationship take its course naturally. The two of you will communicate more about serious matters when the time is right. For now, just enjoy the love you have without letting it consume your life.

Enhanced by Zemanta

About the Author

Hannah Fredenberg
Hannah enjoys exploring the dynamics behind human connections and strives to share her knowledge on these subjects. She looks graduating this upcoming May from the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh.

Fatal error: Uncaught Exception: 190: Error validating application. Application has been deleted. (190) thrown in /home/nuvodati/public_html/wp-content/plugins/seo-facebook-comments/facebook/base_facebook.php on line 1273