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November 19, 2013

How to Deal with an Unsupportive Partner

Young couple sitting on the bed separately

One of the hardest things to deal with when you’re in a relationship is an unsupportive  partner. It’s difficult to constantly give so much of yourself, allowing yourself to be vulnerable to one person and then be completely shut down for any number of reasons. Maybe your S.O. doesn’t think you’re pursuing the right career, maybe they aren’t supportive of your attempts to lose weight or better yourself, or maybe they just aren’t supportive of the relationship as a whole. Whatever the situation, it’s hard to continue giving yourself so fully to something when you keep getting told “No,” or that, “You can’t do it.” If this is your reality, there are a few steps you can take.

Be Patient

First give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they take a little longer to warm up to an idea. Or sometimes, they may just not be educated enough in an area to really understand why you may have to put so much time toward a certain pursuit. For example, you might be in a professional field that doesn’t garner much recognition, respect or salary, but you enjoy it so much that you want to make a career out of it. Your S.O., like many others, might not understand how much time and effort needs to be put into your career choice, and how much the support from peers and loved ones can help. Introduce your S.O. to your world, give them a little taste of what you are so passionate about and they just might come around.

Also consider who they are and what they’re used to. If you’ve been raised to “follow your dreams” but your partner comes from a background that values a different attitude about life, this may be an entirely different way of looking at the world for them.  Everyone’s different.

Be Honest

If your S.O. still doesn’t come around despite your efforts, have an honest conversation about how you’re feeling. Let your partner know that it hurts you when they don’t believe in you or what you love. It might come as a shock; they might not have realized how they are making you feel. They may feel that “tough love” is the way to make you fight for what you want and don’t realize how damaging it is for you.

Be Real With Yourself

If you’ve been patient and honest with your S.O. and there’s still no turn-around, it’s time to be real with yourself. Realize that you deserve better than a partner who makes you feel abandoned and discouraged. You don’t have to stay in a relationship. It’s not fun to always have to defend your choices to the one person who is supposed to offer the most support. Gather the courage and strength to end it and move on. The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll start believing in yourself again. You will find someone who is supportive of your time and efforts. Don’t waste your time with someone who brings you down.





About the Author

Elizabeth Monsoor
Elizabeth Monsoor is currently working on her Bachelor of Fine Arts in dance at Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle, Washington. While Elizabeth pursues a career in dance, she has rediscovered her love for writing. When she is not in class or at rehearsals, Elizabeth enjoys actively commenting on episodes of reality television and tweeting her observations on relationships several times a day. She has an “eyes wide open” approach to dating, acting as an unofficial advisor and commentator on her friends’ relationships. Elizabeth hopes that her opinions on relationships and her love of sarcasm both entertain and inspire her readers.




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