Nuvo Dating
Dating Tips & Relationship Advice


December 10, 2013

Control Your Jealousy

couple with cellphone

Everyone has their own little insecurities. Usually, you can keep them pretty much under control so that they don’t affect your life too much, but sometimes they can really mess with your head. When your insecurities are getting the best of you, especially in a relationship, it’s easy to blame others and get jealous when there is no real reason for it. When you’re feeling down about yourself, you might start seeing things in your relationship that aren’t there. Like if you’re having a bad day, or series of days, and you feel like no one is paying attention to you or caring about what you do. When you feel this way, it’s easy to see your partner ignoring you as well, and from here it’s even easier to jump to the conclusion that something or someone is taking their attention away from you. Chances are when you see this, or think that you do, your insecurities are getting in the way of clarity. You’re already sensitive and this might push you over the edge.

Jealousy unchecked can destroy a relationship. You never want to be so jealous that your partner doesn’t want to or can’t handle being with you anymore. So how can you be confident and secure enough in your relationship that you don’t go crazy on your partner in a jealous rage? Only you can control how you feel about yourself, so learn to love yourself. While you’re learning to love who you are, learn how to control your jealous fits.

Talk About It

If you feel insecure about the relationship, go to your partner and talk about it. Let them know that you are feeling ignored or neglected. Don’t do it in an accusatory way, simply share your feelings. If you start accusing them of things that possibly exist in your head more than in reality, your partner might shut down and resent you rather than attempting to address the issue. Just breathe and have an adult conversation without any finger-pointing or dramatics. If you can’t be honest with each other and share your feelings, there’s probably a bigger problem that you both need to deal with.

Be Willing to Let Go of Some Control

Understand that being in a relationship is bigger than just you. A relationship includes two people who sometimes might vary in their needs and reactions. Know that you can ask them to be more sensitive to you and your needs, but you can’t control what they ultimately do. If your partner respects you and wants to be with you, they will at least make an attempt to change how they handle certain situations. Also remember that you have to extend the same courtesy. If they are going to try for you, you have to try for them as well.

Be Smart

If there’s no real reason for you to be jealous, don’t worry about it and unless you have proof, don’t keep bringing up your imagined concerns. Try to relax and remember that you are with your partner because you enjoy being with them, and they enjoy being with you too.

You’ll know deep down if there’s a need to worry. And if a time comes when there actually is a need to worry, be honest with yourself and your partner. But until that happens, try not to make yourself crazy and just enjoy the relationship.


About the Author

Elizabeth Monsoor
Elizabeth Monsoor is currently working on her Bachelor of Fine Arts in dance at Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle, Washington. While Elizabeth pursues a career in dance, she has rediscovered her love for writing. When she is not in class or at rehearsals, Elizabeth enjoys actively commenting on episodes of reality television and tweeting her observations on relationships several times a day. She has an “eyes wide open” approach to dating, acting as an unofficial advisor and commentator on her friends’ relationships. Elizabeth hopes that her opinions on relationships and her love of sarcasm both entertain and inspire her readers.

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