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Dating Tips & Relationship Advice



Relationships

February 4, 2014

Relationship Roadblock: Should You Stay or Should You Go?

Sad lonely beautiful woman in bed with family problem

Indecisiveness about a relationship usually isn’t a good thing, but we’re human, so it happens. When your partner either hints or tells you directly that they are questioning your relationship, the situation needs to be dealt with immediately and with careful consideration. You don’t want to overreact and assume that your relationship is over, but at the same time, you don’t want to be delusional and assume that everything will be okay and that your partner will eventually come to their senses and realize that you guys are soul mates. Sometimes feelings of uncertainty about a relationship end in a break up, but sometimes they can strengthen the bond between you instead.

Keep Your Cool

If your partner comes to you with feelings of uncertainty about the relationship, you need to keep your cool as much as possible and try not to put on the pressure. It’s normal to sometimes have doubts. Attacking your partner and introducing guilt into your situation won’t help. Take a deep breath and allow them the space that they need to think. You don’t want their last image of you to be you freaking out because they are a little confused.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t be real with them. There’s a way to be calm while still expressing your seriousness about the commitment you’ve made. You want them to know that you understand that they need space, but that you won’t be a place holder or a back-up plan. At the same time, try to help your partner discern if their anxious feelings are truly about the relationship or misplaced anxiety about some other aspect of their life.  Sometimes when we feel indecisive, we allocate our frustration and distress on the most immediate pillars of our lives—our close relationships .

Be Realistic

While it’s normal for your partner to have some doubts, you don’t want to live in a fantasy where they realize their mistake and come running back into your arms. If they ask you for some space, you have to look at both of the realistic outcomes of the break. Yes, your partner might realize that they are crazy about you, but it’s also likely to go the other way. Analyze your individual relationship and decide to stay available or start taking steps to move on. Don’t lose hope, but don’t be naive either.

Know When To Walk Away

There may come a point where you’ll need to take the initiative and walk away from the situation. If you’ve respected your partner’s wish for space, but they still don’t seem to be into the relationship or you, you need to do what is best for you. You can’t sit around and wait. You have every right to be with someone who wants to be with you; You don’t want someone who’s iffy about your relationship. You want someone who is excited to be with you. Yes, second thoughts happen and can sometimes bring clarity and renewed strength to a relationship, but sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. Know your worth and go for someone who recognizes that they are lucky to be with you.

Ultimately you need to trust yourself and go with your gut. If your partner is truly trying to make it work with you, give them some space to figure things out. But if they can’t figure things out, it’s time for you to walk away.

 





About the Author

Elizabeth Monsoor
Elizabeth Monsoor is currently working on her Bachelor of Fine Arts in dance at Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle, Washington. While Elizabeth pursues a career in dance, she has rediscovered her love for writing. When she is not in class or at rehearsals, Elizabeth enjoys actively commenting on episodes of reality television and tweeting her observations on relationships several times a day. She has an “eyes wide open” approach to dating, acting as an unofficial advisor and commentator on her friends’ relationships. Elizabeth hopes that her opinions on relationships and her love of sarcasm both entertain and inspire her readers.




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