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Sex Tips

September 9, 2013

A Field Guide to Handling Your Partner’s Fetish


So, maybe your partner just admitted that they have a secret fetish. Your reaction may be 100% open and willing. But if you’re feeling a little hesitant, follow these steps to consider and decide about your actions.

  1. Don’t freak out, even if you’re freaked out: It probably took a lot of courage for them to bring up this secret desire. Don’t make them feel like a sicko, don’t act disgusted and don’t immediately break up with them. Just play it cool, be supportive, and if you’re having a little trouble with the whole concept, tell them you need some time to process.
  2. Once you’re alone, really consider how you’re feeling and why. There’s a difference between some simple nervousness and serious heebie-jeebies. Are you just a little unsure about going outside your comfort zone or are you running up against a moral or sexual wall? Take a couple of days to sort it out so that when you talk to your lover, you’ll have a clearer picture of what you’re going to say.
  3. If you’re a little nervous, but willing: Try it once. If you like it, then congratulations! You’ve successfully implemented a new aspect of your sex life. Your lover is now sexually gratified in a way they’ve never been before! If you don’t like it, you have absolutely no obligation to continue doing it. You tried it, it’s not for you, and that’s okay. Break the news to your partner gently and be considerate of how that’s going to make them feel.
  4. If you just can’t bring yourself around to it: Speak up. BUT, please, be nice. Explain that it’s just not something that you’re comfortable with. And let them know that they need to consider how important it is for them to explore. It might mean that you guys will need to break up so your parnter can go discover this new side of themselves. Make sure they understand that you’re glad that they told you, rather than keeping it a secret. If they seem emotional or depressed, be understanding. This might be a tumultuous time for them. Just make sure that they come out of this whole scenario feeling positive.

If you follow these steps, not only will you navigate the situation with minimal drama, you increase the likelihood that you two will come out stronger. Now, there are still a few considerations:

  • Just because you’re willing to engage in adventurous sex does not obligate you to do it every single time. If vanilla is still your ideal flavor, you deserve to have some of that too. Make sure there’s a balance of both you and your lover’s desires.
  • If you’re game, but not sure exactly how to go about engaging, there’s always the internet. You may even find some tricks and tips that your partner’s never thought of. Just be careful, because the internet can be a terrifying place sometimes.
  • Trust your instincts. If there’s something about this fetish that seems illegal or dangerous, don’t engage. It doesn’t matter how supportive of a lover you’re trying to be, there’s no point in risking your well-being.

Hopefully you and your partner can explore some fun and sexy ways to experience the kinkier side of life. Just stay positive and enjoy yourself!

Check out our other blogs and Facebook page for more advice.

About the Author

Lauren Volpe
Lauren Volpe is a recent graduate of Texas State University with a BA in English Literature with a Minor in Anthropology. She is now a freelance writer. She is passionate about writing and studying human interactions. She enjoys giving relationship advice built on her personal history, and the experiences of her friends and family. She currently resides in San Marcos, Texas.

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